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First off all, because of your boyfriend's increasingly lying behavior, your relationship lacks trust. A relationship that lacks trust is like a car that lacks tires, it's not going to go very far.
I encourage you to say something because this isn't a problem that's going to go away. I would sit him down and ask him seriously why does he lie about certain insignificant situations? Be sure to name two or three examples so he knows exactly what you're referencing. (For example, start with, "Remember last week when you said _____, and it was really ____?")
Let him know how it makes you feel when he lies. Say, "I feel sad, upset, or afraid when you lie. In makes trusting you more difficult." Please do not blame the guy. For all you know, he could tell white lies because he thinks it's funny, but he would never lie about serious issues. Innocent until proven guilty--the American Way.
After you give examples of his lies and tell him how it makes you feel, ask him why he does it. His answer could be, "I don't know, I just do." That's not good enough. Probe further by asking him, "Why do you feel it's necessary to lie about little things? What do you get out of it?" Okay okay, I'm starting to sound like Oprah, but the more specific the question the easier it will be for him to answer.
At the end of the conversation, ask him to please tone down the lying so you would feel more comfortable trusting him again. If you command him with "Stop lying right now or I'm leaving!" then you threaten him with an ultimatum and his voice becomes unheard. He'll get defensive and then start blaming you. So don't ask that he goes cold turkey, just to bring it back a little.
Good luck with your conversation and be sure that if he listens to you and starts to tell the truth more, you give him positive reinforcement for his behavior. If he sees that you're more affectionate and nice to him because of him lying less, he will be inclined to continue to be truthful.
I encourage you to say something because this isn't a problem that's going to go away. I would sit him down and ask him seriously why does he lie about certain insignificant situations? Be sure to name two or three examples so he knows exactly what you're referencing. (For example, start with, "Remember last week when you said _____, and it was really ____?")
Let him know how it makes you feel when he lies. Say, "I feel sad, upset, or afraid when you lie. In makes trusting you more difficult." Please do not blame the guy. For all you know, he could tell white lies because he thinks it's funny, but he would never lie about serious issues. Innocent until proven guilty--the American Way.
After you give examples of his lies and tell him how it makes you feel, ask him why he does it. His answer could be, "I don't know, I just do." That's not good enough. Probe further by asking him, "Why do you feel it's necessary to lie about little things? What do you get out of it?" Okay okay, I'm starting to sound like Oprah, but the more specific the question the easier it will be for him to answer.
At the end of the conversation, ask him to please tone down the lying so you would feel more comfortable trusting him again. If you command him with "Stop lying right now or I'm leaving!" then you threaten him with an ultimatum and his voice becomes unheard. He'll get defensive and then start blaming you. So don't ask that he goes cold turkey, just to bring it back a little.
Good luck with your conversation and be sure that if he listens to you and starts to tell the truth more, you give him positive reinforcement for his behavior. If he sees that you're more affectionate and nice to him because of him lying less, he will be inclined to continue to be truthful.
~ Anthony
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