Q & A Time: Clingy Girlfriends--why God, why!?

"I really love my girlfriend, and she gives me more attention than I could ever want, yet sometimes it is too much. She doesn't understand when I say I need space. I am the type of guy that needs to close off from the world for a bit sometimes. She thinks it's because I don't like her, but it is because I need time to myself. I have told her that I just need time to myself once in a while, but she doesn't seem to understand, and misconstrues that as me needing even more attention to feel loved. What do I do?"

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It sounds like you're an introvert, like me. I completely understanding needing your own time to shut down, regroup and energize. The reason she doesn't understand that is probably because she's anxious-ambivalent. 

Anxious-ambivalent people are raised by their parents with care sometimes, and no care other times. An example is of a mother who's an alcoholic. Sometimes she's there to take care of the child, and other times she's too drunk or in rehab so she can't care for the child. The baby learns that sometimes people will be there for her, and other times not. Sometimes she can trust others, and sometimes she can't. This leads to her being clingy and in need of constant attention because she's afraid of you leaving and abandoning her. She believes if she physically and emotionally clings onto you then you can't leave.

The problem is that when you need time to unwind and leave for awhile (and by awhile I don't mean a week, I mean a day or even an hour) she misconstrues that as you getting ready to abandond her. So, she freaks out and latches onto you even harder to prevent you from breaking her heart. 

The irony is, the more attached she gets, the more you want to pull away. The more you pull away, the more attached she gets. It's a constant back and forth and I'm sure it must be exhausting. My best friend went through the exact same situation. She eventually got somewhat over it and gave him more space, but that was after two years of dating. I honestly don't have advice to give you on how to change her psyche, I can only help you understand what's going on with her.